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    Home»NPCs»Doth Thou Even Lift, Bro?
    NPCs

    Doth Thou Even Lift, Bro?

    Get fit or get out.
    JohnBy JohnApril 17, 2023No Comments3 Mins Read
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    As the party approaches [town name here] they see some poorly written signs promoting a local gym. The higher the perception check, the further down this list the DM can go.

    • “Dead lifts for peace”
    • “Why laugh when you can lift”
    • “It has been determined by the most scientifically adept individuals that cardiovascular health is the biggest contributor to prolonged life. That and not joining a land war.”

    Getting into the town, if the party seeks out the gym they find it easily. They’ll find a sign that says “Big Bill’s Barbells and Biceps,” with small subtext that says “, Mortuary, Crematorium, and Diener Training Facility.” If they do not seek out Big Bill’s, you can plop Bill himself into the town tavern where he’ll be bragging about how many folks are using his new facility.

    Big Bill

    Big Bill Flametrain is a small Dragonborn Fighter that is about a foot shorter than average and appears to be slender and frail. As owner/operator of the facility, he is proud of the pivot he has made after a recent change from wartime to peacetime in the region.

    dnd muscular dragonborn at a gym
    What Bill THINKS he looks like.

    What most folks don’t realize when they’re signing up for the gym membership is that Big Bill literally means dead lift when he talks about their intro session. Newcomers to the gym must do the morning Diener route to retrieve the previous day’s dead. For a steep discount, the individuals can continue the route week-over-week, doing the route, then getting a quick training session by Bill’s brothers who are larger than average Dragonborn, but much dafter. What they lack in brains they make up for in surprisingly good weight training, which has the townsfolk coming back.

    Touting himself as a conman and pleased with himself for outsourcing the heavy lifting to folks who are now paying him (classic Tom Sawyer situation), Big Bill hasn’t, and likely won’t, realize that the town has become fitter. While Big Bill was focused on his grift, the townsfolk were focused on getting swole. They now have surpassed Bill in size and stature, making him feel smaller than ever.

    Got The Hots For Squats

    If the party is interested, they may participate in an intro session at Big Bill’s. They will be tested around the town on an obstacle corpse (checking what they’ve heard will always say “corpse” not “course”). They have five stops to make, each inevitably harder than the last with a combo of Athletics and Acrobatics skill checks to see if they can successfully load the cart.

    The rate of success then determines the discount the party will receive to join the gym.

    You could even add a Final Fantasy VII-style squat competition with some skill challenges. Athletics checks in competition with the DM to see if they can beat the Assistant Gym Owner, Stroud Clyfe. Whoever can roll the most 10+ rolls in 30 seconds wins. This should be done out in the open.

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    John

    Forever DM, site developer, and enjoyer of the ridiculous, John is convinced he is the only person to ever create a Halfling farmer that herds Intellect Devourers.

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